Deacon Dr. Fresh Wine Newsletter

A Wine Newsletter With An Edge - Definitely NOT your typical white bread, mofo, cracker, peckerwood, jank, peckercracker wine newsletter! If this info is too advanced for you, check out my other newsletter: Wine for Dix at

My Photo
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

World's Lurchest Wine Writer - The Gangsta of the Grape - The Sultan of Shiraz - The Buccaneer of Burgundy - The Prince of Pinot Noir - Yellow Tail's Bane - Locus of the Ladies' Focus - Wielder of the trousered Hammer of Thor - I have arrived to rescue the wine world from overly-serious, rigid, deconstructionist, rooster juice peckerwoods who'd never dream of gettin' a tattoo or crackin' a smile. I am without a doubt, the smartest, funniest and toughest sumbitch in the entire wine industry. And I aint goin' away. All disputes will be settled bare-knuckled in the Octagon. You heard me. Oh, and by the way...Bite me crank!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Grano, Billy, Beppi and the Usual Suspects...

Greetings Children of the Vine! Yes, I'm actually posting again!!! Rejoice!!!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! (Gales of hysterical laughter)

And now the compulsory rant, right off the top of my head: Every single one of you colour vassals and rotisserie pouches can sit gaping in the gapery at the wit, wisdom and wicked humour, you will never EVER understand! It takes profound schema and real intelligence to write something this incredibly stupid. OK...I'm listening to Immortal Technique for inspiration and just throwin' it down and keepin' it real! In the words of Richard Feynman:

"It's all about the field, muhfuh!"

BTW...Isn't it great that there's no inflation? I heard it on the radio the other day, so it must be true, and I am thrilled that prices for gas, electricity and food are not going up! We just think they are...Looks like a great time for another distracting war on foreign soil...

But I digress.

OK, lots to cover here. Last week I was at Grano for another lurch Billy and Kato event, in support and sellebrashon of their new wine app, which I wrote up last update. The Deaconess and I attended with Don Brutus and Kathryn the Great, and enjoyed host Roberto's usual stellar hospitality. We sampled Prosecco and 6 other wines, served up with fabulous Italian appetizers by Grano's friendly and efficient staff. A great time was had by all...which leads me to give you a heads-up:

Look for my homey Beppi Crossariol who's going to be doing an event at Grano on May 10th, entitled Italy Sends it's Best! This promises to be really lurch, because Beppi knows his stuff and Italy has a lot to offer. As many of you peckahs know, your humble Deacon is a huge fan of the Italian potable, which is probably ground zero for truly great rustic wines that bring honest and simple food to life. Contact Grano for more info. Your Deacon may just see you there, if I'm not away teachin' Jiu Jitsu or neck-crankin' some antivinophilic moron.

A couple of dayz ago, I dropped by the Fine Wine Reserve on King Street West to see my boyz, including the Usual Suspects: Tony Aspler, Canada's Dean of Wine; Michael "Power Glans" Pincus, who was his usual irreverent and hilarious self; Konrad Ejbich (the World's foremost expert on Single Finger Raynaud's Syndrome); Zoltan "The Transylvanian Terror" Szabo, Dick "Richard" Snyder, etc., etc., etc. We all gathered to evaluate the current crop of Ontario Ice Wine and decide the Gold, Silver and Bronze medalists. Sadie Darby did her usual fabulous job of looking after the food and refreshments while we all slurped, expectorated ("spit" for all you Keswickians), and otherwise put our seals of approval or disapproval on the World's Greatest Dessert Wines. What was interesting, was how on side we all were. In almost every case, we only differed by a couple of points (out of a possible 100), and we ALL nailed the Gold Medalist in double blind tastings, where neither the pourers nor the drinkers knew what the wines were. I can't tell you what the medalists are, but the Gold Medal Winner is one helluva great wine, and I'll be picking up a case of it as soon as it's announced, unless of course, the winery to be revealed sends a case to my door... This wine's balanced and got EVERYTHING it's supposed to have. Watch for it. More to follow...

A note about the Fine Wine Reserve. This is a truly amazing cellar. If you've got super-lurch wines, this is where to keep it. You need an electronic pass, a retinal scan, and have to provide DNA epidermal scrapings just to open the washroom door! It's awesome, and exactly like Fort Knox, except it isn't empty...

That's all for now. BTW...due to certain Global Events, Libyan and Japanese wine will be unavailable until further notice...

Deacon Dr. Fresh
Accurately evaluating the globe while it's still here...

Friday, March 18, 2011

The Deacon Attends the 2011 Wine and Cheese Show!

Why am I the only one who truly understands this event?
Just got in from the 2011 Wine and Cheese Show, and you need to buy a ticket and get out there ASAP. The Deaconess and I always crash the event and I can say without fear of hyperbole, this was 60 trillion times better than ever! I always get there early, and dive into the food with both feet, and today was no exsepshun! I plowed the Black Freighter into the side of Hall 5 of the International Centre, and hit the ground running and didn't stop for about 3 hours of high-end engorgement, including Dim Sum, oysters, veal, and tons of cheese and gallons of beer and wine, including my perennial faves, Rickard's White, and Creemore Pilsner. What made our visit better than anyone else's, was the fact that we were prepared...and I aint talkin' about condoms! We showed up with recently purchased solid maple glass holders with a built-in table that you can walk around with and eat and drink effortlessly, while freeing up a hand to flip the bird at any Keswickians you see. The Deaconess bought these little numbers at Crate and Barrel for about 10 bucks each. They're really lurch, cause you can hold about a thousand drink tickets and some serviettes against the bottom and still maneuver around without spilling anything. At least 20 people approached us and asked "Where did you get those? They're awesome!" I told them that they were supposed to get one free when they came in and sent them to the door, causing untold hilarity and amusing disappointment all round. This was a really nicely put together event and the organizers need to be commended, and if you like wine, cheese, or both, you'll think you've died and taken the last Go Train to Elysian Fields.

High points include seeing the ever-hot Ange Aiello of iYellow Wine Club and iYellow Wine School, who was getting ready to present one of her popular seminars, and blond mega-babe, Sue-Ann Staff, who's still recovering from nearly two dozen bee stings...(ahem). I guess it was a matter of catastrophic colony collapse... BTW...Sue-Ann has her own winery now, and it's about effing time! You can find this lurch and ever perky winemaker at Sue-Ann Staff Estate Winery, in Jordan. Your Deacon and Deaconess lub you and wish you well.

On other notes, I loved the Cabernet Franc I sampled from Viewpointe Estate Winery. It was very friendly and approachable and provided a soft mouthful of berry flavours; a very lively little wine that was drinkable without food. Imagine Justin Bieber if he was female and had talent. Viewpointe is another Lake Erie North Shore winery, like Colio, and I expect more great drinkables from them in the future. I think they can actually be huge...all it will take is a briefcase full of cash, left on the foredeck of the Black Freighter on a moonless night. You heard me.

Fielding had their usual delicious Pinot Gris, which is still my favourite Gris or Grigio ever, espeshully since much wine from this grape becomes jank and frivolous...sort of a Merlot Blanc. Make sure you check it out. Also noteworthy was Barefoot Bubbly. Another Pinot Gris but with fizz. For 12 bucks and change it was well worth the coin. 

We also bought really cool flying monkey t-shirts from Flying Monkey Craft Brewery. Check them out here.

All in all, a great afternoon. There's still time to attend, so get your info here. Kudos to the organizers and exhibitors. See you all next year, and make sure you buy one of those little trays.

Deacon Dr. Fresh
Samuel Johnson and Hunter S. Thompson rolled into one

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Kudos to Billy Munnelly!

Greetings All and Sundry!
Always glad to Gonzofy your days, spreading joy, good cheer and brilliance, while simultaneously ("at the same time" for all you Skidoo Surfers in Keswick) ...I digress...

...while simultaneously stupefying all of you gluten-headed inhabitants of the bozone. And now the full-bore compulsory stream of consciousness rant:

And a special bodkin jab at all you television entranced Justin Bieber fanz, with your Mr. Sulu flashing Bluetooth brain cancer ear-plugs, and your "routine" colonoscopies, and your kids with names like Detrius, Merlot, Champion, and Effluvia...

Mangez my Montreal smoked meat!!!

Now to business...For those of you who live in the world of humans and conversations instead of pixels and texts, there's an important bit of breaking news: My homie and mentor galore, His Lurchness, Billy Munnelly just got a major award, and no, it's not a lamp shaped like a woman's leg...

At a recent VQA Awards Ceremony, known as Cuvee, Billy was presented with a Lifetime Achievement Award, and nobody deserves it more. Here's just a portion of what Stratus' Uber-Cool Charles Baker said:

"Billy has for decades understood the true terroir of Ontario vineyards. He has championed authentic, local, transparent, wines. There is another side to him that many of us in the business are grateful to him for – he includes people in his terroir - the winemakers, grape growers,  owners, retail staff and yes even that lowliest of low – the sales rep all fit into his world. There are many of us in this room who feel that our careers are richer and more authentic because of his dedication to the vine."

Amen to that, Chuck!
And be sure to check out Billy's Best Bottles iPod app, as seen in the picture, onsale at the iTunes store. For less than three bucks, you'll get a personal wine adviser and cut through all the crap and deconstructionist bull pizzle. I bought it, and am damn glad I did!

Way to go, Billy!

Deacon Dr. Fresh
Supporting the Supporters of VQA Wine

Subscribe to Deacon Dr. Fresh Wine Newsletter