Deacon Dr. Fresh Wine Newsletter

A Wine Newsletter With An Edge - Definitely NOT your typical white bread, mofo, cracker, peckerwood, jank, peckercracker wine newsletter! If this info is too advanced for you, check out my other newsletter: Wine for Dix at

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Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

World's Lurchest Wine Writer - The Gangsta of the Grape - The Sultan of Shiraz - The Buccaneer of Burgundy - The Prince of Pinot Noir - Yellow Tail's Bane - Locus of the Ladies' Focus - Wielder of the trousered Hammer of Thor - I have arrived to rescue the wine world from overly-serious, rigid, deconstructionist, rooster juice peckerwoods who'd never dream of gettin' a tattoo or crackin' a smile. I am without a doubt, the smartest, funniest and toughest sumbitch in the entire wine industry. And I aint goin' away. All disputes will be settled bare-knuckled in the Octagon. You heard me. Oh, and by the way...Bite me crank!

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Deacon Summer Update!

Swab the deck and weigh anchor!

Greetings fanz and frenz and all you new arrivals who are checkin' out the Deacon! Welcome aboard the Black Freighter. And if you're on deck for the first time, here's all you need to know...All underlined words can be clicked on for further information, such as my parallel publikashun, Wine for Dix. And if you still have trouble understandin' your humble Deacon, remember to check out my online dictionary if you need help with terms like lurch, jank or Boppin' in the Beater! So here we go with the latest issue...but first of all, the mandatory greeting to all you SUV polishin', latte drinkin', I-phone cravin', carbon credit exchangin', termite infested DIX who keep comin' back for more but never quite get what I'm talkin' about!

Avast crackerpeckers! You're welcome aboard too! Grab a glass of grog and find a comfortable perch in the rigging...
So here we go with a really lurch update on the Deacon's activities...What a summer it's been so far! Last weekend, your humble Deacon roared in the Rolls down to Boston Ontario for the wedding of Colio's Marketingmaster, Doug "Beater Bopper" Beatty. Me and the Deaconess hung out with the Asplers in the back corner away from the papparazzi and got through about a case of winemaker Carlo Negri's totally kool red stuff. We wanted to give our homeboy Doug and his lovely bride Patti something special, so we took them several bottles of bubbly with a Stephan Moccio cd in a box stuffed with dozens of hundred dollar bills, and left it in Doug's garage with a nice man who said he'd "take care of it". The Beattys had a huge frickin' tent, tons of barbecued shishkababs and rice and actually fed about 180 people; a key indicator that Colio should consider cuttin' Doug's paycheck in half, 'cause he's clearly makin' way too much coin! Congrats to the Beattys! You're a great couple, and both rock with a capital R!
A couple of weeks ago, the Deaconess and I decided to check out Prince Edward County again. I'd been advised by Billy Munnelly (your humble Deacon's mentor) to stay at Huff Estates, where they have amazing accommodation, and also, believe it or not: a helipad. Well, this I could not resist! So on Thursday morning, we launched the Black Freighter from its berth at Queen's Quay and headed east to Belleville. The west wind bristled in the black canvas sails, and with Adam "the Sadist" Sutherland at the tiller, we arrived in about 5 hours. (I'd always rather take the ship than drive. Traffic's terrible these days and there's nothing worse than being held up for hours only to finally see flashing red lights of an accident and some inconsiderate bloody fool, lounging in a stretcher blocking the road.) Well anyway, the Deaconess and I grabbed our Louis Vuitton luggage, and clambored onto my leased black AH-64A Apache attack helicopter on the foredeck and roared over Picton at 250 knots. The GPS locked onto the satellites and brought us to rest at Huff. Now I gotta be brief, but I'll tell y'all this: Huff is off the frickin' scale if you want a great place to stay. The rooms are wonderful and the breakfast was as stellar as Stratus Cab Franc! We hooked up with the Munnellys and got a personal tour of Huff winery with Burgundian winemaker Frederic Picard (no relation to that bald cracker from Star Trek) as the mofos and peckers watched in undisguised envy. Frederic is another one of Ontario's amazing imported winemakers, and like Colio's Maestro Carlo Negri of Italy, Stratus' resident French genius, J.L. Groulx, and Creekside's Australian Wizard, Craig McDonald, they got a premium first round draft pick! I'll just say that you've got to watch out for Huff. They're gonna shine in the near future, what with their killer wines, first rate rooms and a helipad too!

We hung out with the Munnellys for a couple of days, and Kato cooked us a spectacular dinner at their perfect cozy home near East Lake, which has the best view in Prince Edward County - all sweeping rushes and grasses and herds of wildebeasts in the valley below. Billy brought the wine out, about 16 bottles if I recall, which he added to the 4 that I'd provided. I really enjoyed Billy's method of cooking sausages, and I quote:

"You put the barbecue on full and throw the sausages on. Then you go and drink some wine and get talking. About half an hour later you say "Oh shit!" and run back to remove them from the 12,000 degree flames." Anyway, it seemed to work well.

There's way too much to talk about for now...My visit to Creekside to sample their absolutely lurch '04 Shiraz...a fabulous dinner at Stone Road Grill, where Perry and Jesse treated the Deaconess and I like royalty and introduced us to Charlie Pillitteri; a very classy guy...Uber-chef Michael Pataran's split to Paradise Island (we'll miss you, Bro!) super-lurch dinner and Peninsula Ridge wine at Allens a few days back...Life is good, crackers!

If you're new to the Deacon, make sure you browse through some of my brilliant back issues, such as: My interview with Lurch and Luscious Jennifer Rosen...What wine goes with AC/DC?...The Deacon dines with Bond and Castro...The Deacon meets a dead rocker...and Roving reporter Rozeen spooked at Glendale Hilton! You can click on any underlined link and it'll take to to the goods, Jack!

Well...I gots to run. I'm presentin' at Taste of the Danforth tonight: Canada vs. Greece, with the Mighty Aphrodite of wine herself, Doris Miculan Bradley. Don't you frickin' wish you were me?

Your Deacon lubs you! You can always write to the Deacon at

I always respond. Even if it's just to say bite me crank!

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