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World's Lurchest Wine Writer - The Gangsta of the Grape - The Sultan of Shiraz - The Buccaneer of Burgundy - The Prince of Pinot Noir - Yellow Tail's Bane - Locus of the Ladies' Focus - Wielder of the trousered Hammer of Thor - I have arrived to rescue the wine world from overly-serious, rigid, deconstructionist, rooster juice peckerwoods who'd never dream of gettin' a tattoo or crackin' a smile. I am without a doubt, the smartest, funniest and toughest sumbitch in the entire wine industry. And I aint goin' away. All disputes will be settled bare-knuckled in the Octagon. You heard me. Oh, and by the way...Bite me crank!

Friday, April 28, 2006

The Deacon Attends the Szabo's Szuper Szinfandel Szeminar!

Greetings Homeys and Fanz!

And the usual welcome also goes out to all you Mofo, trunculating, Dollar Store, peckerdine, watercracker, monkey-fish, jankbucket, wannabee DIX who tune in faithfully but still don't get it!
Well your humble Deacon just attended a highly lurch event that I wants to bring y'all up to amphetamines on...
Yesterday I handed in my invitation at the door of Jamie Kennedy's kool establishment and attended an amazing Zinfandel event put on by none other than the Hungarian Mafia itself, the Szabo Boyz, in conjunkshun with some Kalifornia suits who supplied the red stuff.
Jamie's joint is at the very south end of Church Street (number 9) and is well worth the journey.
I was one of the early arrivals, and the room began to fill up fast with equal parts kucumber kool and absolute peckerdine. Some of these crackers looked like they were on day passes from the Bug House at the Clarke Institute. The problem was, most of the crackermofos thought they were the kool ones; something that's usually a problem at these events...
Anyway, the Hungarian Uber-Team of John and Zoltan Szabo put on an excellent presentation. John delivered a high-speed, encyclopedic lecture on the Croat origins of the Zin grape that was fascinating and entertaining. Zoltan, looking boyish, resplendent with a new do, expertly punctuated John's monologue with one-liners delivered in a rich Bela Lugosi accent. Zin was compared to Britney Spears, Mick Jagger and David Bowie in his Ziggy Stardust phase. There was a refreshing burst of revisionist history in which the Austro-Hungarian Empire was redefined in a way that favoured the Hungarian race. Naturally I found this to be hilarious and greeted the comedy with my usual howls of appreciative laughter that seemed to baffle the more sedate muh-fuh's and ass clowns in the room.
I sat with some truly kool brothers and sisters, including my homeboy Konrad Ejbich, recently returned from his flamethrower wielding jaunt to Transylvania (see the previous issue of this blog for the horrifying details). Konrad's a really decent sort. He clearly knows his stuff, but didn't sink into hyperdeconstructionism and kept his sense of humour. On my right was sommelier Terry Flynn - another lurch dude who seemed to enjoy the event without being a dick about it. Also at our table was the hyper-intelligent Sara D'Amato of Four Season's Hotel fame. Let's just say that when she asks a question, only John Szabo knows what the frick she's talkin' about!
Across the room I saw my homey, Uber-Chef Michael Pataran of the Prince of Wales Hotel in Niagara on the Lake. We did the long-arm wave and hooked up on the break to discuss Sake, etc.
We sampled 8 interesting Zin's at this unpretentious and informative seminar. They ranged from everyday stuff to top-end Farrari Zin, but there wasn't a drop of monkeyjank bastardwater in the flight. Before we even sampled the first glass, I noticed the air was redolent with strawberry jam in a way that was almost cloying. You gotta realize how popular this frickin' grape is...There are 50,000 acres planted with Zin in Kalifornia, where it grows best. I won't even mention Reif Estates abortive attempt to grow Zinfandel in Ontario a couple of years back, and I certainly won't tell y'all what a crackerdine mistake that was. In fact, I'll even go on the record by not telling you that rumour has it that the Zin vines were ripped out and replanted with something that'll grow in our climate. I won't even mention it at all.
Zin grows in very tight clusters and consequently, doesn't get a lot of air circulating around the bunch and can also be prone to mold. That's why it does best in warm, but not hot climates that well suit its long ripening period without burning the grapes or turning them into raisins. It also does best planted above the fog line. Zin can be very high alcohol too (which I'm sure has just gotten the Deaconess' brother in France reading more closely now... ) There are a lot of styles to this grape. It can be soft and herbaceous, even pulling in a canned vegetable note, or blow up your palate with a mouthful of jam.
I liked the Guyser Peak Block Collection 2002 (Sandy Lane, Contra Coast) It had an interesting Eucalyptus flavour with hints of green bean and as Terry Flynn pointed out to me, a hint of red licorice. I also loved the Storybook Mountain 2002 (Napa Valley) This wine was both fruity and astringent, matured in French oak, with spice, cloves and nutmeg. This is a Vintages issue at about 40 bucks. I'd better shut up now, I'm starting to sound like a peckerwood deconstructionist!
We had a great lunch with more Zin. Jamie Kennedy's famous fries with lemon and mayo, barbecued ribs, corn puffs, quiche, etc., ending with peach cobbler and creme fraiche. Great stuff. Konrad went unannounced up to the front and commended the Szabos on a great event. We all heartily concurred, your humble Deacon clapping loudest and longest. Then John Szabo went out to his ride and grabbed a bottle of delicious Zinfandel Port that was about 99% alcohol. We talked about our Transylvanian escapade again, and I thanked him for the rescue. Then Zoltan came over and introduced me to Paolo Malito, the chef of Il Mulino, the subject of a future article...
On the way out, I grabbed a squeeze from CN Tower's Lurch Mega-Fox Doris Miculan Bradley and somehow found my way back to Fresh Mansion in a cab, and I fell asleep for about 2 hours.
Congratulations to John and Zoltan!
Your Deacon heartily approves of your highly lurch event!
The rest of you crackerpeckerdine's ought to check out any event these boyz are runnin' in future...
You heard me.
Deacon Dr. Fresh
Havin' more fun than is good for a man...


Anonymous Anonymous said...

The way to go Deacon!
Now you know how to spell words properly to please all Hungarian mofos and crackerjacks.
Sztay szoaked

7:38 PM  

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