Deacon Dr. Fresh Wine Newsletter

A Wine Newsletter With An Edge - Definitely NOT your typical white bread, mofo, cracker, peckerwood, jank, peckercracker wine newsletter! If this info is too advanced for you, check out my other newsletter: Wine for Dix at

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Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada

World's Lurchest Wine Writer - The Gangsta of the Grape - The Sultan of Shiraz - The Buccaneer of Burgundy - The Prince of Pinot Noir - Yellow Tail's Bane - Locus of the Ladies' Focus - Wielder of the trousered Hammer of Thor - I have arrived to rescue the wine world from overly-serious, rigid, deconstructionist, rooster juice peckerwoods who'd never dream of gettin' a tattoo or crackin' a smile. I am without a doubt, the smartest, funniest and toughest sumbitch in the entire wine industry. And I aint goin' away. All disputes will be settled bare-knuckled in the Octagon. You heard me. Oh, and by the way...Bite me crank!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Best Wine Before a Lengthy Prison Term!

Greetings All and Sundry!

Today your humble Deacon's gonna be answering some of the questions y'all axed in the last few days. Let's start with this one from close to home.

Yo Deacon! Love your stuff! Do you really teach British Jiu Jitsu? Can I learn it? - Daniel V. - Toronto

You bet your jockstrap Daniel! The Deacon teaches most Wednesday nights with the Lurch Legionaires: Dave "Peppy" Duhaime, Chris "Polish Power" Umiastowski and the Deacon's protege and bodyguard, Adam "The Sadist" Sutherland. We lurk near Kingston Road and Victoria Park. Send me an email and I'll get Adam to connect with you. Then you can learn a system that really works; not one of those "Let's leap 30 feet in the air and kick him in the head, even though we're in an elevator, martial arts systems." This be the lurch deal, Jack! Come check us out.

Dear Dr. Fresh: Do you like any New Zealand Pinot Noirs? Your fan - Gloria Denham, Ottawa

Gloria: If you'd been payin' attention instead of wasting your brain-cells watching Oprah and Canadian Idol, you'd know that the Deacon's been watchin' the N.Z. Pinot for some time. Go grab a bottle or two of the 2004 Oyster Bay Marlborough Pinot Noir. I tried it the other night at a family dinner and it was well worth the coin, despite it's apparent youth.

And finally:

Yo Deacon! Wasssssuppppp!!!!

I needs your wine assistance yet again. Last night my homey Delmonico was fillin' up with a little free gas at a 24 hour service station. Well some pecker-water alerted The Man and they roared over from the Dunkin' Donuts and hit Delmonico with a TASER and threw him in the lockup. Now that's not so bad, but Delmonico's a pacifist. He over-reacted when they tried to take him down and shot a couple of bystanders as sort of a protest against violence and police brutality. Now the muh-fuh is goin' away to do big time. Bevalante, Shasta and Ejaculine are real upset about this and want to take him a goin' away gift. Can you recommend a bottle of the best that would be appropriate for a brother facin' Manson-length time? - Rozeen, San Diego

Rozeen: Poor Delmonico! My heart goes out to you, Bro. Sometimes you do everything right and you still get hosed down. There's a real life-lesson here: Crime does not pay...unless you're more heavily armed than they are. You should always carry the heaviest weapons possible. A TASER aint no match for a Heckler and Koch MP5. Anyone who thinks it is, should bring a TASER and try to break into Fresh Mansion and see what frickin' happens... Anyway, I digress...There's only one wine for Delmonico's Goin' Away Forever Party. Tell the ladies to take him a bottle of Ca' Del Solo Big House Red. It's beefy and lurch and will go through him like a hot car!

You heard me.

Deacon Dr. Fresh

Arms Dealer to the Wine Community

Friday, December 02, 2005

VQA Unveils 10 Sub-Appellations!

Yo Yo Yo! Merry Christmas!

This just in from Ultra-lurch, John Szabo...

The rapidly growing wine industry in Ontario, Canada, took a big step forward recently in establishing its reputation as a premium wine growing area. During a long awaited information seminar for press and members of the wine trade on November the 30th, the Vintner’s Quality Alliance, Ontario’s wine regulatory authority, revealed the details of Ontario’s 10 newest sub-appellations. All ten are located in the Niagara Peninsula Viticultural Area, the province’s largest winegrowing region. Members of the trade agreed that, while it will take some time to educate consumers about the uniqueness of these newly-defined areas, it adds a layer of credibility and prestige to the region and encourages positive associations with other premium New World regions that have taken steps to identify unique sub areas, such as California’s Napa Valley, Oregon’s Willamette Valley and Argentina’s Mendoza.

The geographical boundaries of the 10 new regions were based partly on local winegrowers’ experience, but principally on the detailed work of Dr. Tony Shaw, a climatologist by training at Brock University in the heart of the Niagara growing region. Dr. Shaw compiled detailed information on local climate, topographic features and soil types throughout the Peninsula, digitizing the information on maps of the region. The various maps were then superimposed on one another to identify areas with unique and distinguishable features based on these parameters. “The differences that emerged were quite striking”, said Laurie MacDonald, head of the VQA and presenter of the information seminar. Among the major factors cited for the differences were the regions’ relative position along the Niagara Escarpment, a stretch of raised land forming the backbone of the region and offering well-drained slopes of varying degrees, and the proximity to Lake Ontario and the Niagara River and their important moderating effects on localized climate.

Wine growers in the region have long known about significant differences between vineyards up on the “bench’ of the Niagara Escarpment, and those located on the warmer, flatter land down by the Lake. “It was just a question of codifying this knowledge in a measurable way and deciding on the regulatory parameters,” one winegrower was quoted as saying. When questioned about the issue of wine character, Laurie Macdonald admitted that there were simply not enough samples of distinctive wine from the various sub-regions to use wine character as a determining factor in setting the boundaries. “We have identified growing areas with unique growing characteristics. It is now up the wine makers to produce wines that reflect the distinctive features of the sub-appellations”. “Yes”, agreed Paul Speck of long-established winery Henry of Pelham in the Short Hills Bench sub-appellation, “this is where Europe has a few centuries’ head start. This is day one for us, really. Perhaps in 30 years we’ll be able to match up sub-regions and grape varieties, and be able to speak of a distinctive style, as we are already beginning to do with grapes like Riesling and Chardonnay.”

In an unusual move, the new VQA regulations require that 100% of the wine come from the named area, compared to just 85% for most geographical designations in the New World. According to insiders, this was the main sticking point in the negotiations, with the ones pushing for absolute label integrity winning out in the end. The announcement is retroactive, and any wines from previous vintages that can be proved to originate from one of the 10 distinct sub-regions will be permitted to put the name of the region on the label.

For more information, contact:
Vintners Quality Alliance Ontario
1 Yonge Street, Suite 1601
Toronto, ON, M5E 1E5
T 416.367.2002
You heard him.
Deacon Dr. Fresh
Keepin' you up to speed

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