Deacon Dr. Fresh Wine Newsletter

A Wine Newsletter With An Edge - Definitely NOT your typical white bread, mofo, cracker, peckerwood, jank, peckercracker wine newsletter! If this info is too advanced for you, check out my other newsletter: Wine for Dix at http://winefordix.blogspot.com

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World's Lurchest Wine Writer - The Gangsta of the Grape - The Sultan of Shiraz - The Buccaneer of Burgundy - The Prince of Pinot Noir - Yellow Tail's Bane - Locus of the Ladies' Focus - Wielder of the trousered Hammer of Thor - I have arrived to rescue the wine world from overly-serious, rigid, deconstructionist, rooster juice peckerwoods who'd never dream of gettin' a tattoo or crackin' a smile. I am without a doubt, the smartest, funniest and toughest sumbitch in the entire wine industry. And I aint goin' away. All disputes will be settled bare-knuckled in the Octagon. You heard me. Oh, and by the way...Bite me crank!

Friday, September 23, 2005

Corked Wine!

Corked wine...or “I don’t remember it tasting this bad!”

Greetings all and sundry!

Tonight’s lesson is a special request from one of our loyal readers, Wayne F. Not only is he going to check out Stratus, your Deacon’s special rave right now, but he’s asking all the right questions, so here goes...

What is corked wine?

Corked wine is wine that has spoiled by reacting with the cork used to plug the neck of the bottle. When cork is harvested from the bark of trees in Portugal, it undergoes a cleaning and disinfecting process. Unfortunately, the chlorine used in the method can adversely affect the cork, causing spoiled or stinky wine. It’s estimated that as much as 10% of wine is spoiled to some degree, ranging from “This doesn’t seem quite as good as I remember” to “Pass the vomit bag, I gotta hurl some red!”

Corked wine has a musty sort of wet cardboard smell that actually gets worse as the wine oxidizes. Any kind of chemical, sulfur or vinegar smell would also indicate a wine that’s gone bad. Particularly horrible is a wine that smells like the plasticene we all know from our childhood.

If you get a bottle of wine that smells bad, rotten or just plain wrong there are two things you must do. First stop drinking it immediately. It can kill you or cause a rare facial paralysis as the contaminated molecules bypass the blood-brain barrier.

Just kidding. What you really need to do is jam the bad cork back in the bottle and take it back where you bought it. The LCBO and Vintages will refund your money, no questions asked.

You heard me.

Deacon Dr. Fresh

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